I had a chat with a friend of mine last week about the unfulfillment of the post-college, early-to-mid twenties years. Jen has been in her job for a couple of years, a nice, safe, corporate job, but with very little advancement potential and very little to do with the things she is passionate about. She’s an intelligent, amazing woman with endless potential, but she just doesn’t feel actualized.
Our conversation was really one of those “I just need someone to listen” conversations, but I found myself writing down what I heard her saying as she went. I realized as she went along that what she was really saying was that her life lacked stability, and I started to think perhaps it was the lack of stability that made her feel unfulfilled. When she finished what she needed to get out, I read back to her the list I’d made, and then we talked about what it might mean.
What I heard her saying was that even though her job is bearable and pays the bills, she never knows what the next day is going to bring. She likes her friends, but feels that many of them lack direction, and that the chaos in their lives is breeding chaos in her life too.
What I suggested was that she make a stability plan, a written outline for the areas she feels are unstable, and ideas on how to achieve stability. For example, one area she wants to develop is her social circle: Her college friends are great, but unfocused. She’d like to meet some older friends: professionals in their late-twenties to mid-thirties, because she feels she would relate better with them, and some who are older, more parental figures. I suggested that her stability plan might involve picking out activities where she could meet such a group, such as a book club or the local artist’s circle, and then scheduling firm times to attend the activities. I volunteered to attend a weekly event of her choice with her so she wouldn’t have to go alone.
As for her career, the plan might involve checking the newspaper ads each day, setting up a Craigslist search feed for jobs that match her interests, and frequenting Monster.com or other sites where the jobs she’s interested in would be posted, then making a firm time each week to apply for all the jobs she found. It also might involve letting others in her social circle know she is looking for jobs in a certain field, so we can pass on information about any opportunities we might learn about.
The idea of a stability plan was really a spur of the moment idea of mine, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided it really was something that would work for those of us who desire more stability in our lives. Taking the time to sit down and write out the areas of our lives that are unstable, brainstorm ideas to provide more stability (with a good friend, if you like), and make a firm commitment to act on them, accompanied by a concrete schedule.
Some might find such an exercise too formalized, but for those of us who really want more stability in our lives, it just may be a great way to take the first step towards a more stable, actualized life.
Feel free to share the areas of your life that you’d like to make more stable, and what your stability plan would be, in the comments.